Counterfeit  

Made in exact imitation of something valuable or important with the intention to deceive or defraud. 

As a banker, finding counterfeit money wasn’t too unusual.  Some of it was so obvious a child could have picked it out.  We even had someone try to pass money that had “For Motion Picture Purposes Only” printed directly on it.  Whenever I was training a new hire, I would encourage them to count and study the money in their downtime.  Count it over and over again.  Feel it, study the coloring, the security features, run your nail over the lines, and then count it some more.  The only way to be able to spot a counterfeit is by knowing the real thing.  One time, a counterfeit made its way into one of the tellers’ tills.  The machine we used to count the money before putting it into the vault alerted us to its presence.  This bill was truly a work of art, coloring, texture, paper quality, and even some of the security features were present.  All the time and effort to make it look real was, in the end, worth nothing.  True, it had fooled some along its journey, but that’s all.  Nothing of lasting value.  To be a good counterfeit, you must have some real properties.   If you tried to pass a three-dollar bill that was bright pink, no one would even consider exchanging goods for it. There has to be some truth about it.    

Recently, my husband and I were talking with some of our friends.  They were high school sweethearts and are still going strong over 25 years later.  He mentioned how one of his co-workers was distressed over his misfortune of having only had one sexual partner.  Since we were all in the same boat, we tried to figure out whether she was being serious. Here’s what we finally concluded.  Society is telling us that relationships and sex are just mere trading commodities.  Things to make you feel good in the moment, and if you’re not happy, well…it must be time to move on.  That marriage ties you down, and especially if you’re a woman, it is an oppressive, archaic institution.  Freedom in a relationship is being able to do what you want, when you want, with whomever you feel like in that moment.  It sounds so appealing to act in any way that pleases you.  These theories are found everywhere in TV shows, movies, books, and even commercials.  If you say it loud enough and often enough, people forget what the real thing looks like and come to accept the counterfeit relationship as truth. What if true freedom is being committed to another person?  Knowing you can be yourself and be loved?  That even on the bad days, when life has gone down hill, when finances are in the negative, when you get that diagnosis that knocks you on your knees…even then you won’t be alone.  What if what’s been sold to us as freedom is really loneliness and a burden to maintain the facade of “I’m alright”?   

Over 26 years ago, I decided to enter into the “oppressive, archaic institution” of marriage. To become a wife and a mother and remain faithful to him.  To give up my “freedom” and not pursue happiness as my ultimate goal.  I wish there were a way to let you experience why I would make this exchange over and over again.  I’ll do my best to try to explain.  The safety and security that comes with being a woman and knowing that you have a man who will be there for you no matter what.  That his presence isn’t dependent on your looks or how you can please him, but on his commitment to you.  The intimacy from knowing a person so well that you can read their needs before they’re ever spoken.  To know how they like their breakfast cooked, what movies they prefer to watch, and most importantly, how they like their coffee.  The ability to be broken and not ok and still be loved.  To know that no matter what battle might come your way, you’ve got someone to stand by you and fight.  That as long as they are still drawing breath, they will be by your side, hand in hand.  What society is offering as relationships, in my opinion, is a cheap counterfeit to what God originally designed. 

Now I know that, unfortunately, this is not the story for all marriages.  Thankfully, even in these situations, God is big enough to bring healing and true joy.   

As my son gets ready to marry his bride, a true gift from God, I’m excited for them to start experiencing this form of a relationship.  To get to walk the journey that I’ve got to walk and learn how love in a committed relationship is truly one of the biggest blessings from God.  But honestly, there’s a part of me that can’t wait till they’ve been married for five, ten, fifteen years, because it just keeps getting better.   

A counterfeit might temporarily give you what you want, but there is no long-term value to it.  What if what the world’s been selling us as freedom in a relationship is really just currency used “For Motion Picture Purposes Only”